John's Jail Journal

This day I was watching this documentary series, Banged up Abroad, and I connected with Shaun Attwood's story about he ended up in the jail with highest rate of death in America after being in charge of an organisation that threw raves and sold ecstasy. Shaun served almost 6 years of his 9 and half years sentence and while in jail he was able to smuggle some letters to her aunt, those letter are shown in his blog "John's Jail Journal". There he exposes the abuses committed within the prison, inmates' rights violations, etc.
Shaun was released in 2007 and since then he keeps campaigning against the prison sheriff and publishing letters sent by other inmates.
It's worth to check out, I've been reading and Shaun is a great writer and what you can read there is sort of life changing.

http://jonsjailjournal.blogspot.pt/

More info
http://shaunattwood.com/
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Shaun-Attwood/228166633865948
http://jonsjailjournal.blogspot.pt/2008/07/11-jul-08-meet-prisoners-this-morning-i.html

trepidatio

Twice he tried to held my hands, twice I said no, once he asked me if he had kissed me and asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend I would have said yes and again I said no, big fat no actually.
Now I keep picturing him trying to kiss me, don't know why, yet he makes me feel safe and cared. After all he was the only person that told me who I really was and not what I want others to think I am and I admire him for that.
Some of my second guessing about my boyfriend have to due with him, not in the way you're probably thinking, only because he's the only one that doesn't paint the situation like a paradise and aware me of the dark side of the situation, for example when I asked him if he thought me and my boyfriend had chances he said "probably no, it's hard enough for couples who live in the same place and you two are trying a long distance relationship. Sorry" all could think in that moment was "He's fucking right...." but I decided to take a chance and now here I am, having an existential crisis every two weeks at least (giggles).
Maybe that's what makes him such a great friend, not being afraid of the things and leaving the euphemisms behind, because life's too short for that.
I'm afraid, not of him, of everything.

Torn

I keep thinking about it, how ironic is that my story is a reflection of the reality written months earlier, months before I knew him and now the feelings are the same like it was a warning of what was about to happen. Now I feel a tear slipping through my face on his wait to meet my lips so that they taste their saline and give me the slight sense of having a lump on the throat.

Over thinking, that’s the devil behind this warm universe that’s beginning to for in my head, I can’t even know what I want, all that I know is that I have more doubts than ever, that I can’t forget this guy I loved, that my world is torn…

Torn… is kinda of a sweet word for such heavy meaning, heavy… like the feeling on the top of my shoulders that every single day makes me wonder whether it was the right thing to do, like one friend wisely said, relationships are hard to maintain more if is a long distance one. He right, despite all my efforts to prove him wrong I always knew he was right, that it’s just difficult not to see the person you love at least once a week. What was I thinking that I’m different from everyone that ever tried to make it work? 

Well I haven't been here for a while, guess school is consuming all my time and inspiration.
Christmas Holidays also passed by really quick and I almost had no time to relax but I have to say it was worthed.
As for the new year, I have to say it's starting in a really good way. School grades are great, I've spend more time with my friends, I've started reading again and I also found this amazing guy that I have the pleasure to call boyfriend. There are also bad news, but what matters is that everything is gonna be fine.
Tomorrow is February 14th, for many is most known as Valentine's day but as quick search in wikipedia shows there are lots of thing to celebrate, births, death, treaties, etc, but as Valentine's day is one of the most chosen for advertising about the violence in the relationships and I kinda like to support projects  about the most diverse subjects so I found a video I'd like to share (there are two parts and I found the story quite interesting) and I'll also add the "Love the way you lie song" I think it's kinda of an anthem for dating violence.
Love you guys be happy and share the love <3

Song

From Disney Channel's Austin & Ally here's a great song !

"And I wonder if you miss me too.
If you don't here's the one thing that I wish you knew.

I think about you every morning when I open my eyes."